riddles, scribbles & doodles

Worn Path

2011-05-25T04:30:00.001+08:00

January 15, around 11 in the morning, I stepped foot on Charlotte International Airport, North Carolina. Everything seemed so foreign to me but I couldn’t help but realize the next time I’d step foot in this airport, it would all be familiar to me. I had a week before school actually started for me, which was a good thing because it gave me time to adapt to things at home. Despite my exhaustion, I’d get up early and do things with them just so that we would bond. I have to admit that it wasn’t easy. It took me a while to really relax and open up. A week went by and before I knew it, I was laying out my attire for my first day of school. I had trouble sleeping because I was so eager to know how things would be. I went to a fairly well diverse school of more than 1500 students. I was lucky that my host sister had brought me to school a few days earlier just so that I’d roughly know where my classes are. Nevertheless, I still got lost on my third day. I was lucky because the guy who had walked me to my class the day before saw me and realized I was going the wrong direction. Today, 18 weeks later, I know my way around school, in fact, I even know the way around some of the roads. My experience so far has been truly indescribable. I can’t sugar coat it and said it’s been all ups and no downs. I’ve had my fair share amount of downs in my journey but those moments have no doubt, made me a stronger person. I’ve meet tones of people, made many new lifelong friends from not only in the United States of America but also, all around the world and most of all; I’ve truly grown as an individual myself. It was only a while ago that I was marking my first month in Charlotte and now, I’m counting down to the days I have left here. And the days I have left here, I’m going to make the utter best out of it, because this journey I’m on right now, this very journey is one of a kind.

I Shall Be

2011-02-06T14:58:00.003+08:00

shoots, I totally forgotten I had a blog.

so okay, quick update cause I wanna sleep.

whole journey from Malaysia to USA was awesome. Love the airplane food. haha

DC was fun, bonded, more sessions, overly oriented, the weather (Y), food!

Charlotte is nice, love it here cause it's pretty and not hectic like in KL. School is okay, still adapting, still can't finish my entire meal but I'm working on it, trying to get more involved so yeah.

well, I guess I'll abandon my blog for the next few months until i'm back. No worries, everything is pretty much jotted down in my journal. so till then, toodles :)

Life.

2010-12-27T00:31:00.003+08:00

Being unsure of how someone feels about you.
Feeling like they are mad at you.
Being misunderstood by people you care about.
Being judged by people you care about.
Feeling like you lost something that was never yours.
Feeling like you’re doing too much.
Thinking you aren’t doing enough.
Not knowing if you should say something.
Worried about what they’ll think if you do say it.
Feeling like you care more than they do.

Two Christmas

2010-12-25T04:04:00.004+08:00

It's Christmas.
It's the time of the year when everyone is jolly. Afterall, it is the season to be jolly.
Despite actually already having our Christmas dinner a week ago, I still want another one this week. Well, probably I should just be thankful for the Christmas Eve Dinner.
Every Christmas, I tend to have a rush of different feelings from happiness to sadness to anything in between or even both. Christmas Day marks a lot of things for me of which I shall keep to myself. But yeah, these other things make me at one point be thankful for what I have but on the other, wonder if I can get more. Yes, I contradict myself A LOT. It's another bad habit of mine.
I shan't ruin everyone's else mood with my rants and contradicts. Thus, I shall end this post with non other but

MERRY CHRISTMAS

End of the Chapter

2010-12-24T02:40:00.004+08:00

SPM?

Been there, done that.

Post SPM has been okay. NO, I haven't been staying out all day long and partying. In fact, totally the opposite. I'm quite clueless. I'm too used to having to study and whatnots. I miss high school. I miss my friends. I miss having to go to school despite not wanting to because at least I had something to do. Now I'm just lifeless. Nevertheless, quality time with the family is still good. I guess I'll just relax and leave the excitement for next year. Well, just in case I don't come online anytime soon, I'll just do a bried recap and summary of the year 2010. My senior year.

Scratch that, I'm too tired to think. Probably another time. Still, 2010 was fun and awesome.

The Ten People Who Changed My Life The Most In 2010;

1. My brother. 2. Ms Winnie.

3. My parents. 4. Beau.

5. My babies. 6. Eera.

7. Yippie 8. Khalisah.

9. Intan. 10. Manja.

Three is all there is left.

2010-12-05T20:32:00.003+08:00

So, I should actually be studying right now since I've been neglecting it for the pass few days. Which means I'm not ready for tomorrow's papers. Anyways, quick update on the second week of SPM.
Everything was going well until the second paper of Physics. I nearly broke down while doing it. I really wanted to give up, in fact I think a part of me did give up. Which explains why I've been neglecting my studies. Oh, the best thing about this week was I've been on and off under the weather. It all started on Saturday night. Fever came and went and came back again. I even got a letter from the doctors saying I should be exempted from classes but unfortunately it's SPM we're talking about. Been coughing like crazy in the hall, and I sincerely apologize to the rest. I would have asked to be quarantined but since I'm not having high fever anymore, I doubt that's possible. Anyways, that's all from me. I really need to study. As much as I have lost the will, I still need to make my class teacher proud.

Raise It

2010-11-27T01:25:00.003+08:00

FIRST WEEK OF SPM IS OVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

hahaha I'm acting as though the whole thing is over.

So far, I'm feeling okay apart from the day before our history paper. I was crying hysterically. I wanted to do all that I could to skip the paper. I wanted to kill myself. Yet, I went through it. I'm still not demotivated thanks to my family. They give me strength. From my parents who tel me to just do my best and not worry to my brother who never fails to wish me luck everyday and ask how the paper was everyday despite the time difference and to my babies, who are just so adorable. I hope this last. I don't want to give up before it's over. I want to have hope. May the luck stick with me until the end, not just the end of SPM but till the end of my life. And please, please let me sit for the rest of my papers with ease and relaxation.

forget you

2010-11-20T23:21:00.002+08:00

Okay, I want this necklace so badly. What a simple symbol yet the meaning behind it, is otherwise.

SPM is in 2 days and I can't believe it but I'm not ready yet I'm still able to relax. Does this mean that I'm meant to be a failure? That I'm not meant to be a successful person in life? It's not confidence I have but it's not exactly fear either. I really hope this doesn't cause me my future. I don't get it. I want to be successful, I know I'm not well prepared yet why aren't I busy studying? It's so frustrating because no matter what I do to freak myself out, it last only for a few seconds and poof, I'm back to shaking my legs in front of the television or sleeping and so on.

I need all the luck I can get if I want to ace this.

goodbye

2010-11-17T23:29:00.002+08:00

I find goodbyes one of the hardest thing we have to endure in life. Yet, it is inevitable. Even for a day, week, month or year, things still changes. As it is commonly said, it takes only a blink of an eye for things to turn upside side. I use to not bother about goodbye and merely say it just for the sake of saying it, but now, I take goodbyes very seriously. To me, an incomplete goodbye(specifically those long ones) leads to regret. Maybe I'm just being melodramatic, but imagine, if we didn't say all we had to say at that very last moment we have, we might never get a chance to ever say it. While also means we'd never know the outcome our that very action of ours. I'm going to say goodbye to my friends for a while in about two months from now, so I'm starting from now, to gather all my courage to say what I have to say. I dislike regretting because that thought just keeps pondering in my mind. And it keeps me from moving on. So till my SPM is over, goodbye fellow blog readers.

believe

2010-11-07T16:43:00.002+08:00

I noticed that when I am happy, I have nothing to write, no thoughts to produce, no emotions to portray. It is when I am in pain, suffering, or in love, that I have something to use as leverage. It is quite sad to solidify the claim, that art never comes from happiness. But it is the truest phrase I have ever heard, and the saddest.

back to you

2010-11-04T16:01:00.002+08:00

So, for the 3 days of class we had this week, we had seminar on each day.
First two was history and yesterday was for BM and English.
Despite the dissatisfaction of majority with the history lecturer, I found him rather alright. Probably it's the fact that I was sitting right in front of him. And also the fact that I'm pretty much clueless on history. I've really got to start bucking up or I'll just end up regretting. Regret is the one word I wish to never use in the coming future, or should I just say, EVER.

As for the BM and English seminar, it was quite tedious. Thankfully there was the Mexican bun and packet of Milo or I'd literally sleep throughout both the session. In some way or another, both of the seminar did help out a little I guess. The BM seminar re-freshen my memory on what to do and what not to do. As for the English seminar, it motivated me to write (though I haven't really stated on that plan of mine). The essays we read was truly exquisite. I've decided to try out the one word essay for the first time so I'll have options during the examination though I'm pretty sure I'll stick to the story question.

the moon

2010-10-31T23:43:00.003+08:00

A year ago, I spent Halloween getting squashed in between very much unconsiderate people and was perspiring as though I had just got out of a marathon. Nevertheless, I was a few feet away from Tyler in his Red Indian costume.

This year's Halloween, the total opposite. Either it's due to the exam stress or I'm just getting old. I tend to choose staying home over going out. The list can go on but let's just make things easy, I choose anything lame over fun.

Now, I totally forgotten what I wanted to blog about and I'm stuck. Great, just great.
Curse SPM.

why am I lame?

2010-10-28T17:15:00.001+08:00

LIBRA - The Lame One (September 23 to October 22)

Nice to everyone they meet. Their love is one of a kind. Silly, funny and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! However, not the kind of person you want to mess with... you might end up crying. Libras can cause as much havoc as they can prevent. Faithful friends to the end. Can hold a grudge for years. Libras are someone you want on your side. Usually great at sports and are extreme sports fanatics. Very creative. A hopeless romantic. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

Iturnedseventeen

2010-10-19T01:27:00.006+08:00

my unique cake <3

fly high

2010-10-18T20:25:00.002+08:00

School is very much depressing and demotivating for me. I'm starting to not want to attend classes anymore.
We're in the process of getting our grades back and I'm getting very stressed out over my grades. It's all very unexpected, in a bad way. I've got to start prioritising seriously. It's not a long battle, just 5 more weeks. Everything shall be put on hold.

Turned 17 last Friday. Words can't describe how much fun I had. I'm really thankful to have you guys. <3

I'm so HOT

2010-10-13T22:00:00.003+08:00

Trials is OFFICIALLY over.
Got my moral paper back and I'm a tad bit disappointed but it'll do.
I'm going to be running around school getting signatures for my testimony. I know that our testimony is important and CRUCIAL but it is also very much troublesome. Dude, you already have our records, how many times must we tell you something you already have recorded. And I have three, yes, THREE papers to fill up and it's practically the same thing. And such short notice? WTF much. Nevertheless, Imma suck it up and get it done.

It's been a month now since he left home. I envy that he gets to shop. Hello, need I remind that I'm the female and not him? And omg, despite the exchange rate, things are actually WORTH IT there. So much nicer and better quality. I'm so going to shop when I'm abroad. I actually wanted to go Thailand after SPM to shop since things there are cheap but I guess I'll have to postpone that plan of mine.
A month from now, it'll literally be my last day of school. Yes, I am actually graduating.
Well, thank God that I ain't no drop out but heck, SPM is the thing that matters.
Fingers crossed that I'll make my parents shed tears on the day our results will be announced.

Black Circles

2010-10-08T15:03:00.005+08:00

2 subject, 5 papers and 3 days left.
oh it feels real good. I'm really hoping to achieve what I aimed for.
Having trials in class is nicer than having it in the hall. In class, we can sleep once we're done and it ain't as stressful.
I'm feeling all lazy to run around getting teacher to certify my involvements. Darn the existence of testimonials.
That's it, can't keep my eyes open anymore. Lovely bed of mine, here I come.

oh and before I forget, Happy 17th Nasha and Izzati. Loads of love <3

blardy temptations

2010-10-03T16:11:00.003+08:00

I've been on the laptop watching glee, staring at my facebook homepage and whatnots since morning. It's already FOUR pm now. Like wtf, I just wasted my precious time doing nothing useful. It's bad enough I slept the whole day on friday and saturday. DAMN, bio is effing tomorrow. I don't wanna be all stoned up when everyone is busy writing their answers down. Most of all, I don't wanna get anything lower than an effing B.

LIKE OHMYEFFSHITZ I FEEL LIKE KILLING MYSELF!

WatchMe

2010-09-30T17:17:00.003+08:00

like OMG, did you know it's..

TRIALS WEEK!!!

okay, that sounded kinda bimbotic.

Anyway, 9 days and 14 more papers to go (:
Somehow trials doesn't feel like trials. Get me? Well, I actually thought that I'd cry after the first day but I felt that I did fairly well for my BM paper, except for the peribahasa part that is. I even found BM easier than English. Weird, I know. The topics for the English essay was seriously tedious. My first time doing a NON-story essay after SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO long. Hopefully, it's good. And did I mention that my paper would be marked by the ~~fussy~~ strictest teacher?
Sat for Add. Maths paper today. It was exciting how everyone was freaking out yesterday and this morning and AFTER the paper. Though, I have to admit that this was by far the hardest Add Maths paper I've set for. Now it feels like trials. Having moral paper tomorrow, please stay in my head kata kunci, I don't wanna memorize again.

Oh, and I heard that SPM will be postponed?
like dude, more time to STUDYYY!

Left Behind

2010-09-26T04:08:00.004+08:00

okay, it's probably 4 in the morning now. I'm not sure since I'm under my covers, lights are off, music is blasting and i'm blogging through my phone.

I've just set it to private(i hope it's really private) cause I needed somewhere to let things out without people actually reading it.(this better be private or i can commit suicide)

Recently, i've started to feel all different and distanced. I'm trying to avoid contact with anyone except for my family. I'm turning all introvert again. I'm really sorry for my behaviour but it's just something I need to go through by myself. This behaviour of mine ain't something i'm proud of, but it's still me, i'm still me. Afterall, there have to be reasons why some amongst the many TRULY matters to me.

I miss you. That conversation we had keeps replaying in my mind. I always knew that you're not what people assumed you to be but obviously, i had doubts. Yeah, you had your flaws but those little things you did or say made me know that you're really a nice person. I was constantly asked on how i could bare you and still be around after everything. At times, i'd even ask myself the same question. I have to agree that at times, you're really a MAJOR pain and those times that you actually hurt my feelings(without knowing), i wondered why i stayed and i got the answer. I don't know what it is but after everything, we'd somehow always end up where we started, back together; not as in a couple sort of way but just together. I liked it when i had you all to myself. You didn't literally belong to me but there was no restrictions, no boundaries, nothing. I didn't have to think of the consequences when i wanted to call or even text. Now, i have to look at every angle just to make sure there'd be no problem or misunderstanding. I guess i really just miss you.

8 weeks ain't long but i'll try my very best.
That's only half of my worries.
I'm hoping my parents will be fine for the weeks i'll be away. It's only been two weeks and mum's already tearing. It hurts seeing her miss him. My absence will just make it twice as hard, at least she'll still have the babies, but it's still different.

I'm not going to be afraid of succeeding.

after afterall

2010-09-24T01:51:00.003+08:00

I want and NEED to get a new specs.

thisisgoingtobeshittysinceiwillgetlecturedbuthell I NEED GLASSES.

I can't bare feeling so blind anymore. and I can't imagine how badly my eyesight is deteriorating.

please Mummy, don't kill me

It's going to be TWO inthemorning in seven minutes and no, I haven't study.

WTF am I doing here again

Oh and before I go and really study, gigantic shout out to Alex.

I know you said you look like an ahbeng in this photo but this is the only photo that we have together which is decent.

Happy 18th :)

EIGHTeen is a big birthday. I hope you're out having the time of your life. Sorry I wished you late, was tied up with my thurday blues.

I have no idea why I have this photo saved in my laptop but heck, this was when you were 16?

Imma go indulged myself with Biology.

And I Thought It Was The Last

2010-09-22T23:15:00.006+08:00

Say YES to Circuit Workout if you wanna walk as though you have just lost your virginity.

Like SHITZ.
So much for finishing Biology by today. Unless I can cover 5 chapters in 44 minutes, I'm nowhere near covering it. Pfft.
I shouldn't have slept every chance I got. and I shouldn't have let the TV got to me. *curse*

Oh and before I get back to killing myself, P.E was AWESOME.
I'm pretty sure at least half of my classmates would be walking weirdly tomorrow, or even better, they won't show up. The pain haven't got to me, JUST YET but fingers crossed that I won't feel any pain.
PS; No, we didn't have SEX, we just did an awesomefatburningbodykillingsweatsdropping workout

the Ladder

2010-09-22T00:12:00.005+08:00

I hope I don't look like shitz in my new IC. This is my third time making it, and once we turn eighteen, we have to make another one so that would be my fourth, PFFT.
Trials is in 5 days. fuckshitcansomeonekillmeplease?
It's crappy how I'm going to spend my last few weeks of being sixteen stressing out over my exam, burning the midnight oil and not having any sort of FUN.
On the bright side of things, trials would be over two days before 'THEDAY', so I guess I'll just have to make up for the time I lost nerding :D
I'm hoping to complete Biology by tomorrow so I can start on my Chemistry. I have a weird way of studying and everyone keeps saying we've got no time but screw it, I'm doing things my way.

I've Gotta

2010-09-17T15:39:00.002+08:00

Music makes me get all high and wanna start head bangin'
I love it when I'm home alone cause then I'll get to turn the music on real loud and move around like crazy.
So after eating out for months now, yes, MONTHS, finally cooked lunch. and well probably dinner too since I sort off cooked too much.
I never thought I'd miss cooking.

-How come you don't draw anymore?
-Well, cause my drawing ain't nice. Plus, I can't think of what to draw whenever I feel like it. I mean, if you ask me to look at something and draw, I can do it, but I can just randomly draw something.
-She's just like me. You may think that your drawing ain't nice but in the eyes of the beholder, especially your parents, it's nice.
-Well, you used to be able to draw without looking at things. In fact, you used to draw all the time. I rarely had an idea as to what you were doing but you just kept on drawing.
-I actually used to think of pursuing a career in drawing, I mean draw buildings and stuffs cause I can't draw humans or animals but I'm good with buildings. Architect or something but I don't know.
-Well, whatever you choose to do, we're okay with it, just as long as you're interested in it and like it.

Still haven't started on my homework which in other word means I'm doomed.
And talk about trials, pfft there goes my grades.
I'm pretty sure I'll have to be kicked out of bed on Monday just to wake up. Screw the existence of early morning classes. Why can't classes start at 10am?

You're sort off, kinda, basically...

2010-09-15T22:34:00.005+08:00

HolyEffShitz, I just realized(while I was checking my new passport) that I'll be seventeen a month from now.
And here I am calling everyone who turns seventeen, old. DAMN, I better make the best out of the time I have left. XD

I'm starting to not bother about anything nowadays.
All I care about now is my family, studies, future and thoseWACKOfriendsofmine.
My constant enthusiasm to do crazy things has somehow been put on pause, which I'm very proud off. As for going out, I've lost the addiction for a while now so that's not something new.
This happened back in form 3. I guess I tend to be like this whenever I've got a major examination coming up. Back in form 3, I only started living the reality after my trials and till today, I'll still say that I was lucky but I can't rely on my luck all the time. And the fact that there's more to cover in form 5 makes it even more crucial for me to stop fooling around ASAP.
Being a let down is not something I'll cope. Plus, this blardyego of mine made it a MUST that I do well.

So, just in case I somehow act differently, don't get offended. Like they always say, "It's not you, It's me."

I need some shelter of my own protection,

to be with myself and center

Clarity, peace, serenity.

This has nothing to do with you,

it's personal, myself and I,

We've got some straightenin' out to do.

I've got to get a move on with my life,

The path that I'm walkin', I must go alone and

I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown.

I'll find love, I'll find peace.

Sexy Biatch

2010-09-15T11:28:00.002+08:00

Finally done with my passport.
Holidays is coming to an end; 4 more days :(
Trials should go and commit suicide so that we can have fun.
And like FUUUUUUUUUUCCC, what about my blardy holiday homework.
I'm starting to get all cranky cause I feel like shitz.

the call

2010-09-13T21:49:00.010+08:00

I got two missed calls. One was mum and the other was an unknown number.
After talking to mum, the unknown number called again and this was the conversation. (roughly)

Hello?
Hi. Is this C**** J***?
*okay, this voice sounds familiar* Yeah.
I'm calling regarding the **** 2011.
*heh. seriously sounsd familiar. should I ask whether he's who I think he is? Wait, it might not be the right person and that'll just be inappropriate* Okay.
Alright, your slot for the interview is on the *th of October. It'd would be at the main block. Please bring along your -, - and -.
*okay, don't think it's him laa. Nevermind, focus on what this guy is saying.* Oh, okay. So I have to wear my - and bring my - and -?
Yes. *there was a short pause* Guess who I am?
Err am I really supposed to guess? *WTH, is this a trick question?*
Just take a guess.
*hesitated but whatever laaa* Err, alex?

OMG LAAA. That was so wtf. I was so worried it was a trick question of something and whatever I did would affect my chance.

*edited

I LOVE YOU.

A warning. An apology. An interruption. A plea for attention. An objection. An excuse. A justification. A reminder. A trap. A blessing. A vacuum. A relevation. A way of saying nothing. A way of summarizing everything. A surrender. An opening. An end.

The question is, which defines yours?

got this from tumblr. and this got me thinking of my answer.

A Change

2010-09-12T23:19:00.003+08:00

I found a way to cheer myself up or at least pull me back to earth when I'm up high above.
and it is by reading my old blog post and go through the photographs. though reading the old posts is more effective cause it's as though I'm talking to the me back then.

With him not around anymore, I have no idea where to turn to let things out on. I mean, he's the only one who gets that one particular problem I faced cause he goes through it every time I do. I don't need him to protect me, I never did, but there was times where I needed him to make me believe and stay strong when I was at the edge. We're not close, we never were and we're unlike any other but he's still mine.

Recently, I've been constantly told that I'm different. Or that I've changed. I seriously don't get it. I asked around since I'm not told what's different about me, but everyone either say I haven't changed much or I haven't changed at all. So, what do you want me to do? I know I've change, but I'm pretty sure I'm changing into a better person. I mean, I constantly try to be a better person so yeah, there's changes but shouldn't it be a good thing?

Trust? It's not something I do easily so please understand and do not push me, because the more you push me, the more I hold back. I'm not like the majority. It takes me a while to get settled down and it takes me TIME to trust. But if you are patient enough, you'd know that once I trust, I don't hold back. It's actually a bummer because every time I'm so close to opening up, you get impatient and blow everything. This ain't the first nor is this the second time, I've actually lost count. We've practically reached the stage where the more chances I give you, the longer it would take me at that time to open up. If we continue doing this, we might just be in our graves before I even get a chance to open up. and dude, it's like history repeating itself. Have you not heard the saying, 'learn from you past'? Gosh, this just pisses me off because as much as I try to not get mad or annoyed or sick of this game, I'm almost there.

SPM ain't helping. Okay, everything is literally frustrating the shit out of me now. Screw things, Imma go cool off.

and this was supposed to be a happy post.

There He Goes

2010-09-12T15:24:00.001+08:00

Sometimes when life goes downhill and things get crazy, it freaks us out a little and makes us feel like we're losing grip on something that's really important - a part of ourselves, our lives and that scares us even more, so we try really hard to hold on tight to whatever we think we're losing and sometimes, we hold on a little too hard.

Which?

2010-09-11T01:11:00.003+08:00

I'm always torn between wanting to tell my story to everyone and let them know exactly what is in my head or keeping them to myself. The problem is being outwardly unhappy and consistently so pushes people away, no matter if they say they're always there to listen, there is only so much your best friends can listen to. On the other hand, to pretend that everything is fine is to poison yourself from the inside out; is to ignore who you are and lose yourself. So, which is better? To have friends think that you are melodramatic, seeking attention, pessimistic, or to drown in your own mind?

soulmate

2010-09-10T23:34:00.005+08:00

“ People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.
A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…”

That's from the novel 'Eat, Pray, Love' by Elizabeth Gilbert.
Damn, I've so gotta get it. I've been telling myself that for 3 years now.

Sincerity

2010-09-10T22:40:00.002+08:00

Raya was okay for me, apart from being sick.
I guess my days of sleeping at 5 and waking up at 11 has got to me.

I'm feeling all bloated now. I ate like crazy which is actually normal for me but yeah.
Granny here so I'll be sleeping in the living room tonight. Hello sofa.
I'm pretty sure she'll be checking out my wall tomorrow morning when she gets up. and I'm pretty sure she'll be asking me who's who. Especially those with guys in it.

This week was seriously UNproductive but well, we're still young, ~~there's time~~. bullshit
I've ought to start on my homework. And also my studies. whatthehellamIdoinghere?
I'm glad that I'll be home alone next week; brother off to UK, dad&mum at work.
Hopefully by then until SPM, all I would think of is study, study and study.

Insomnia

2010-09-09T04:19:00.004+08:00

it's 4.19 am,
and I'm still up.

currently online WINDOW shopping. and of all things, for bags.
YES, it can snow in Malaysia.
I've got a list down, all that's left is to let mummy know and hopefully she won't get pissed. Afterall, I am using my own money. and it's time I get a decent purse. goodriddenshellokittypurse

off to continue chatting with David. peace yo.

*EDITED

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri everyone :)

duit raya for me, anyone?

Dreams.

2010-09-08T00:25:00.003+08:00

It's 12.30 am and I'm currently lying half body on my sofa and the other half on my chair.
I've been doing this the whole day for the time that I was home.
I stayed up till 4 last night, did nothing useful though and I fell asleep on my sofa which I must say is very uncomfortable. In fact, I barely slept.
I don't feel all sleepy now but the fact that nothing is being done is starting to get on my nerves.

He'll be leaving for UK soon. I'd most probably be giving him my camera and I'll get a new one. and as much as I want it, I just don't think it's worth it cause;
-I ain't good at taking photos
-I don't have the money
-I rather not burden my parents
-I rather they keep the money aside for my education when I'm back from there
But if I don't give him my camera, he wouldn't be able to capture the moments he have there. And if I do give him and not get one, I won't be able to snap photos back here and when I go abroad. I can't believe that I'm getting all stressed up over this small matter. Probably I should just let him use it and pass it to my aunt for her to bring it back when she goes over there at the end of the year.

74 days to SPM and I'm not a single bit prepared. I see my peers all fired up and studying. This freaks me out. I have this vision of the day where our results will be out and I just want it to be a reality. There just can't be anymore letdowns.

Feel it

2010-09-01T00:08:00.003+08:00

I suddenly feel so..... urghh
81 days to SPM and I'm still procrastinating.
WHATTHEHELL is wrong with me. I put off anything that I can put off. For example, my forms which I need to send in by this coming Friday, it's still lying on my very messy table and is barely done. I had the whole day to write my letter but no, I chose to waste my time doing godknowswhat.
I just feel like dropping everything and live life as though nothing else but my happiness matter. Screw education, career and future.
Why can't things just be easy? Why can't we get whatever we want? Why is it we have to work for things? and even so, the odds of us getting it is very slim.
Oh shit things, I'm so not in the mood for anything. I wanna skip classes tomorrow but I need to get some errands done. ARGHHH
Can't I just have a remote where I can press a button and time will stop?

Let it be the last

2010-08-30T23:03:00.003+08:00

Problem with guys: They make u believe they love u when they don't.

Problem with girls: They make u believe they don't love u when they do.

So last Friday, CBN celebrated Malaysia's 53rd Independance Day.

This year was my first and last Merdeka celebration in CBN. I've been skipping school whenever it came to celebrations since form 1 so yeah.

On thursday, my wish came through C:

I was at the edge of losing hope when I decided to check one last thing out, and that was where

I saw it and started screaming. I cried talking when I told dad about it. Oh the feeling was just unlike any other.

Now that it's settled, I can finally focus on my SPM.

Trials is in 26 days if I'm not wrong and I lost track for SPM. How awesome can I get right?

Anyways, I've got this plan that I came up with and I hope I'll be able to go through it. If I don't, Imma commit suicide. HAR HAR.

Oh, and did I mention that I'll get the place to myself after the 12th of September? I shall throw all of my junks into my brother's room so that I'll have extra space in my room :D

Before you can grow up,

2010-08-25T14:55:00.002+08:00

; you must fall in love THREE times.

ONCE - You must fall in love with your bestfriend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship & more
ONCE - You must fall in love with someone you believe to be perfect, you will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as any less than you deserve.
AND ONCE- you must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you, this will teach you about who you are and who you want to be.

And when you’re through with all that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones you needed the most.
But most of all, you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each person that experiences it. And you will learn to respect each and every person on this Earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved.

A little something that widen my eyes

2010-08-19T23:49:00.001+08:00

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband.... The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME. So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6. By Stephanie Halmilton

30 minutes till 93

2010-08-19T23:29:00.002+08:00

Decided to do a quick update cause I'm bored. I know, bored shouldn't be in my vocab right now since SPM is just around the corner.
Hmm, shall start with the Selection Camp. It was awesome as assumed. Made new friends but two days was just TOO SHORT of a time.
Anyways, I was late, can you like freaking believe it? Thank God I made it just before the talk started. Endless group works and presentations. Games and ice-breakers was fun. Food was okay and I'm thankful cause even before every meal time, I'd be crazy hungry so yeah. I love and miss our discussions over meal. Devan is awesome ; photos are on facebook ; one of those memorable weekends.

Trials is a month from now. or is it three weeks? I can't wait for our two weeks break. AWESOME MUCH YO! This week is going to be a long week since there's replacement class on Saturday and I want to go for a seminar on Sunday. Monday is Dad's birthday but we'll mostly be celebrating in on both Sunday and Monday. Brother got his letter about a week ago and has been running up and down doing his errands. He's leaving soon, I think I might just miss him. Though I plan to visit him at the end of the year but it's not confirmed yet so yeah.
Starting from next week, I've gotta check my mail box daily. I'm hoping to receive good news. Notice that I used plural instead of singular? Yeah, I want more than one good news. SASA and YES, please be mine. That's pretty much it. I'm finally off the hand-break.

She Likes Us BEST

2010-07-30T21:37:00.004+08:00

So let's do a quick update.

Test 2 ended on Monday, right after our Chemistry paper. Hallelujah for that.
On tuesday, we got our chemistry paper back. WTF much, don't you agree? it took her less than 24 hours to mark it. Anyhow, thankfully I wasn't one of those 16 people though my grades ain't any good. English marks went down the bloody drain. Like wtf much, but looking at the overall marks, I'll accept it. After school, we had our Prefect's Annual Luncheon plus Misz Sarah's farewell party.

Prefectorial Board 2009 / 2010

Prefectorial Board 2010 / 2011 plus Intan, Kell, Dee, Manja and myself

my own personal junior YO :)

Oh wait, I forgot to mentioned that we got our Physics paper back right before our Chemistry paper.

Wednesday ; Had PE where we never got screwed, thankfully we didn't. THANK YOU TEACHER. It was an empty day. I was busy helping Intan with the illustrations for an upcoming publishing. I'm proud of my drawing. I used to love drawing and I still do, but I was never good at it. I'm still not but it was acceptable so yeah. Around 12.30, we had a Luncheon with the teachers. Another day of free food yo. Somehow I felt really appreciated that day :)

Thursday, we had talks the whole day. From Chemistry to History. Chemistry was good but the sittingdownforHOURS part was dreadful. My ass literally ached. As for history, I was late so I sat way behind, literally the last row and it was only Kell, Intan and myself. So, knowing me, I slept. PS; Thursday marked the day of Misz Sarah's last day. Hopefully I'll see her in US? :D

Today wasn't really a good day for me. 10 minutes into Physics and I was already asking what time class ends. Geetha kept on wishing for a Fire Drill and damn, there was a Fire Drill. hahah the whole incident was epic.

After hearing the second bell, everyone was like "third bell, third bell, third bell" and there it was, the third bell. So everyone got up with their books and Mr Hoo went like, "Fire Drill ah?" and we were like, "should be" and he was like stoned for a while and went "go check and see first" one girl walks and check and went everyone running teacher. we were all about to go out when he went "Eh, put your books down laa" and we were like, "don't want teacher" and he was like "aiyoooo, put down la" so we did. Lined up and walked down.

If it was a real fire, we'd actually be dead. everyone was walking, talking and smiling. We were camwhoring too. like wtf much right? so yeah. Fire Drill meant no History. WOOHOO

We didn't get our AddMaths paper back. She apparently only marked two papers so far. FISHHH!! Maths was disappointing, I was clearly way to arrogant and overly confident. As for Biology, damnnn I should have drop it while I still had a chance to.

not so quick after all...

I'm holdin' on

2010-07-24T01:32:00.004+08:00

Breaking news, I DID NOT GET NS.

I was actually preparing myself to get it but when I saw "MAAF", I was like, oh coolie. Practically everyone I'm close to didn't get it, which is so awesome cause then we'll get to spend time together.Next up, exam sucks to the very max. I'm pretty sure i'm allergic to biology. PURENONSENSE. It's like supposedly going to be easy, and after today, we all know how 'EASY' it was. Just as I wanted to improve my grades, I realised that it's not going to work. Last two papers is on Monday. Which means i'll only start freaking out on Sunday night. Okay, this is where I tell myself to prepare for trials. MUST STUDY! MUST STUDY! MUST STUDY!

Results are out, FINALLY. It came out yesterday for KL. I need all the luck I can get.

It Was The Last Fight

2010-07-14T17:07:00.003+08:00

Stepping down performance was a major humiliation and epic fail but we had fun. And well, let bygones be bygones.
No tears were shed but deep down, i'm sure we all felt a pinch. I mean, I was the one who didn't want to become a prefect from the very start but I must say that it grew on me. Best of luck to the new board.

We didn't study the whole day except for Physics which I very much don't understand. And did i mention that exams is next week? Yes, NEXT WEEK. thisisthereasonwhyiamsoverymuchdeadthankyou.
AFS results are in the process of er.. being announced. For the Jensys program, left with KL and Johor state results. As for the YES Program, many more. So I'm thinking by tomorrow or friday?
Oh, and apparently we'll be able to check whether we're chosen for national service tomorrow from 9am onwards. This has got me all stressed out. and like oh so GAN JIONG.

Never Ever

2010-07-12T00:19:00.003+08:00

Career Week is over and I'm even more determined to go on with my plans to study Actuarial Science. Though I'm a tad bit uncertain as to whether I'd be able to cope. Nevermind, think of SPM first.

My belongings seems to go missing and it's a major bummer. From my specs, to a bag and now even my ruler. Got my bag back, ruler and specs still missing. I'm cool with my ruler cause it is just a ruler but how often do you come across a fifth former using a Mickey Mouse ruler? =)

As for my specs, I might as well walk with my eyes close. GAH, COME BACK TO MUMMY SPECKY. I promise to take good care of you!! I'm thankful I've still got my old specs though it's kinda useless but I'll have to make do with it because there is no way in a millions year, I'd tell my parents about my specs। I'll get slaughtered, LITERALLY.

My services shall no longer be needed as we'll be stepping down on Wednesday. If you go through my previous post, you'd notice that I dread becoming a prefect and it wasn't what I wanted but after a year of duties, I must say I'll miss those FEW awesome moments. Okay, it ain't really FEW but you get me. Those moments in the Art Room will very much be treasured and all the advice and motivation given, I shall keep in mind always. I'm glad to say I'm confident my junior will do a better job than me knowing how much of a slacker and a lazy bum I am. At least I did do some good and contributed after all.

Second test is in ONE WEEK time. I need and WANT to do good because it's not a major exam, thus it'd be easier to score in. and despite it being easy to score, if I do score, I'll be motivated. I need to get rid of those lazy bugs in me.

Eclipse after school on Friday was nice. The tradition goes on, three years in a row. It was good to see Hanan and damn, she is tanned. Despite the rush on Friday, it was relaxing and OMG, I am a major impulsive buyer when it comes to novels. But at least it's novels and not ....

WorldCup finals is in two hours and I want to stay up and watch it but I doubt I'll last. This is the first year I'm not hooked on it. Must be my tight schedule. Oh and talking about Friday, my whole class WAS lunatic I tell you. It started with a few and somehow the craziness was contagious. Thankfully, our teacher was in a good mood and went all, "these are the moments you'll miss most when you leave high school."

Before I go, my feet is killing me. Standing all day long is bad enough, but with heels? Oh JUST KILL ME WOULD YOU. I'm proud that I was given the opportunity to be cousin Debbie's bridesmaid but I must say, it really is exhausting. and the best part is, I've got another day to go which is the dinner night, which happens to be the weekend before my second test. Anyways, being the bridesmaid means I had to follow her around and I'm traumatized. I'm not really a people person so to have to serve tea to everyone and bare whatever it is they want you to do, I just doubt I'll be able to do it. I came to a conclusion that I'm either not getting married or it'd be a simply wedding IF I do.

It's the second J-month already?

2010-07-05T21:59:00.004+08:00

I haven't been in class since last week.

Busy with the preparations for Awards Day 2010, thank God it went well. Apart from the wtfmuchattitude from 'her', that is. Anyways, I shan't let it get to me. I'm better than that.

Back to Awards Day preparation, this was supposedly our last backdrop and we sort of did get all intimate and emotionally attached while coming up with ideas. We wanted it to be our best and all. So we started the cuttings as usual, and then it was time to add some colours. We went from green to blue to purple to pink and then, a dead end. In the end, we went with GOLD, thanks to something that count my eye and then inspired me. I had to convinced them that gold was a good colour. I went all, "you see right, it's awards day so we should use gold. It's our AWARDS DAY. I repeat, AWARDS! so gold is suitable. USE GOLD! GOLD! GOLD!" hahahah it worked =]

and proud to say that we got TONNES of praise for it. teeheee :)

Today, we were informed that we had to do a backdrop for Career Week which is tomorrow. I mean, that's crazy. One day to do A BACKDROP. are you like freaking lunatics?

Nevertheless, we managed to complete it. and I'm proud to say that it was practically done by Kell, Intan, Manja and myself. The rest did help, but like they had to go for classes so yeah.

Another thing I'm real proud of is that we did it without the thread and it was straight. I'm sure most won't get this part but those who have done backdrops in our school would understand.

Career week starts tomorrow. More talks, talks and talks meaning less class, class, class.

oh and not to mention, hello merit marks =D

These pass few weeks has been and still is hectic. Like I mentioned above, Awards Day and now, Career Week. In two weeks, we'll be having our 2nd Test. WTF MUCH. I mean, WHATTHESHIZITS. There's no time to take a breather. And with all the upcoming events.

The TEMPTATIONS are killing me.

a LONG one

2010-06-24T15:10:00.004+08:00

It has been AGES since I've last blog.

Here's a quick update from my last post.

Teacher's Day was AWE-to-the-SOME. Our opening act was a success! Everything went well, no mess up, nothing. [Photos and videos are up on facebook, I'll give the link if you ask for it]
Two weeks holidays was okay. I didn't really made up for the loss of sleep time but instead, I was sleep deprived. First week, pretty much stayed home and lazed around except for Friday which was Geetha's birthday. [Badminton was fun] Apart from that, I got 'the letter' when I came out. [was screaming and jumping like crazy] Saturday, 12th June was and will be a memorable day. Beau passed away, late evening in my mum's arms. Cremation was on Sunday so those few days was moody.
Went to PD on Thursday. Mia's first ever trip to the beach. Was supposed to put a night over at Seremban but we decided to come back instead.

So, that's pretty much it. I was very much reluctant to come back to school.

Monday was dreadful but still considered a good day. In fact, this whole week [so far that is] has pretty much been considered good. On Tuesday, had the interview. I was major nervous I tell you. Didn't get much sleep from the night before, everyone looked so IMPRESSIVE and well, just pure nervous. I was the second last to get interviewed so the nervous level was already controllable by then. Games and Ice Breaking session was fun. Met new people, gained some friends. Oh it was pure AWESOME-NESS I tell you. I just hope I get it. *fingers and toes crossed*

Here's two photos from a girl, who I later found out was a friend of Alex too [oh yes, the world is a small place]

G-L-E-E

except for Wymann, that is. photo ruiner.

Oh, before I end and get back to my photos, here's a conversation that happened in class today.

Yippie ; OUCH!! my ankle!! *points at elbow*
Geetha ; That's your ankle? *laughs*
Me and ALA ; *joins in laughing*
M ; That's not your ankle laaaaaa
Y ; Eh! eh! NO NO NOT MY ANKLE, I said wrongly.
G ; where's your ankle then?
Y ; errr *lifts leg and points at knee*
M, G and A ; *laugh even louder*
M ; haahahahahah that's not ankle also laa. that's knee weyh!!!
M, G and A ; you ankle is *points at ankle*
Y, M, G and A ; *continues laughing*

one more thing, it's like a tad bit late but,

ALL THE BEST BAND PEEPS THAT ARE IN SEREMBAN NOW.
MAKE US PROUD!!

it's a bummer that I'm missing it.

It's funny what IT can do to one

2010-05-30T02:32:00.004+08:00

“Theres only so many times you can allow someone to let you down before you can’t handle the disappointment anymore. When things change, people change. There’s a point in life where you get tired of chasing everyone trying to fix things, but it’s not giving up, you’ve got to do what’s right for you, even if it hurts.”

"A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go."

"And I will wait for the day when I forget who you are. I’ll wait for the day when the sound of your name is old and worn, the day I won’t remember why I needed you so bad."

"I will never tell you how in love with you I am. It's not fair to either of us."

Tibetan Test - Ought To Try It Out

2010-05-27T16:14:00.002+08:00

1-st question. Priorities in your life:

1: FAMILY
2: LOVE
3: CAREER
4: PRIDE
5: MONEY

2-nd question:

loyal- implies your own personality.
annoying- implies personality of your partner.
creepy- implies the personality of your enemies
bitter- It is how you interpret sex.
pretty- implies your own life.

3-rd question:

*censored*- Someone you will never forget.
brother - Someone you consider your true friend.
mum - Someone that you really love.
dad - Your twin soul.
*censored*- Someone that you will remember for the rest of your life.

http://www.wordofmouthexperiment.com/dedpyhto/tests/tibetian/index.htm

To Me You're Like A Wild Rose

2010-05-21T22:17:00.002+08:00

I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.

Eera's and Nasha's Theory

2010-05-16T19:18:00.004+08:00

Rule #1: Wink and lick lips.

Rule #2 : Look pretty and play with hair.

Rule 3#: Smirk and take off your ring.

Rule #4 : Strut your way towards him.

Rule #5: Glance, look away, glance.

Rule #6: With all your guts, sit next to him.

Rule #7: Order a drink. No alcohol. Use a straw for a sultry look.

Rule #8: Flirt with eyes and look cute.

Rule #9: Start a general conversation

Rule #10: Make hand contact after he looks comfartable.

Rule #11: Don't give out your phone number. Ask him for his facebook then add him up.

We're poppin' up

2010-05-15T01:10:00.005+08:00

here are some photos from last Saturday and Wednesday.

*SATURDAY*

thanks for coming. LOVEyouguys

He eventually gave in :)

Happy 17th Birthday NgNg [:

*WEDNESDAY*

you've got balls? :D

PHYSICS yaww

ADAM The Musical was awesome.

Revolution Of The East

2010-05-10T20:43:00.002+08:00

Two weeks of sacrifice was worth it. Very much worth it, indeed.
So far, all the feedback I've got are positive which is a superb thing. Even though I'm a tad bit disappointed cause I know we sort of messed up and we could have done better if we didn't procrastinate. But oh well, I guess we're known for our eleventh minute work.
The two days before the actual event was the challenging part. All the tantrum and pressure. But that was what brought us together from my perspective. Oh damn, I miss our IU Day. I also miss walking around St. John as though it was my own school. Clearly, this is another event that will remain in my memories forever.
Now, back to reality. I see my bag filled with books of undone homework and schoolwork. Not to mention that I'm lost on most of the syllabus. Scratch that, make it all the syllabus.
Note to self; SPM is in 196 days. ONE-NINE-SIX.

Moving on, I can't help but question everything. I don't say it out, but instead, whenever there is a change, or just absolutely anything, I think of the pros and cons of it. and it leads on and on until I lose myself and end up have difficulty making a decision. As what I said to intan earlier, so far, I think I've pretty much figured what I want to do after high school. And I know what I want to be in the future regarding my career. But what I also want is to not miss out on current events that I will never get back. Everything seems to be the LAST of things. I mean, we never know what would happen tomorrow, or even the very next minute. On the other hand, if I don't sacrifice now, I might get the consequences next time. I dislike this because every single decision we make now affects our future. In a very big way too.

Immarealmess

CBD & SG IU NIGHT

2010-05-02T02:29:00.002+08:00

The last two days felt like a whole week.
On Friday, classes was on as usual. Thinking it'd be dull, it turned out pretty good. The only down part was when we had to answer some chemistry questions without referring to our books. I felt major dumb. I couldn't answer anything. WTH much.
Skipped biology to help Nasha and Intan prepare for their Teacher's Day audition. oh yes, I love to sing but I so suck at it. After that, we had maths and while waiting for teacher to come it, Yee Xuan started to sing and play her guitar. Did I mention she's in our school's choir team and her voice is AWESOME? oh, and she is my deskmate :)
After that, rushed to MBS for the Combined Boards Day. Started slightly late but it was still fun. Got to know a few people. Snapped photos. It's a bummer that I had to leave early. We were in the middle of the game when my mum reached. If I knew there was a few of them who was also going for SG IU Night, I would have left with them.
Then, rushed home to shower, get a quick bite only to be informed by Su Ann that she was still stuck in the jam. PFFT. Anyhow, called Steph when I reached. After 7 years, oh my it was terrifying. The event finished early, or was it on time? Hitched a ride to Brussel while Steph walked home from there. Got home, showered and sleep.

Today, or shall I say yesterday. [it's 2 in the morning now]
We had practice for our dance. Steph and I was supposed to go at ten, but we had to go earlier because Geetha was alone at St. John. Well, it was simply caused by miscommunication. And miscommunication is very much inevitable. My nap time was cut shot. Moving on, got there, did ONE step with Geetha where I ended up falling. I TOLD YOU IT'S HEAVY, YOU BEECHEE. We did our usual stuffs. Around noon, Steph suddenly asked whether I can go for Tokio Hotel if she could get us tickets. Surprisingly everything went well and here I am, very much sleepy yet am still blogging about it. Tokio Hotel was awesome but I'm just not that into them. Still, I did have fun.

Photos from CBD will be uploaded on facebook. and as for Tokio Hotel, will get them from Steph.

spanking hotOff to bed.

HistoryMoralPhysics

2010-04-26T21:21:00.006+08:00

Receiving my report card last friday was a mood killer. I know my grades were bad but seeing it printed black and white was just a stab in the chest.
Despite the fact that my percentage did increase, the grades still weren't eye pleasing.
My height of pile of homework seems to be increasing. The Malay proverb "sikit-sikit, lama-lama menjadi bukit" is so true.

This two weeks is going to be hectic. Staying back everyday is pretty much normal for me but the timing being extended, woish. How am I to cope?
At least it'll be very much worth it, I hope.

We're vicious

2010-04-17T13:59:00.004+08:00

If I Were A Boy,

2010-04-15T17:39:00.004+08:00

I'd post nudie pictures of myself everywhere.

My head is in such a whirl. Maybe it is all the pressure of examination. Maybe the pressure of just having to breath. I can’t even sleep anymore. And when I do, I do it out of spite. I can’t keep my mind on ordinary things. I’m preoccupied in my future, in what I am going to do. I hate going to school, doing work. All I want to do is.. lay and be worthless. Everything is supposed to be done nowadays. Everyone wants something. What do I want? Quiet. I want to be sane and quiet.

I wish everything were back to how I was when I was younger. Before all the madness came. I honestly don’t know what kind of person I would be now if it hadn’t happened. I just wonder if it is just all a test. Like if I live through it, I can go through anything. Hardly. I am emotionally and physically scarred the rest of my life. I can deal with it. I just wonder. Will it ever stop? Will the madness be out run in any time? Maybe it's just a phase but I doubt it. Not when everyday all I wanted to do was sleep. And sleep. And sleep.

FML.

and there goes swimming

2010-04-12T20:11:00.004+08:00

Thirteen out of a GAZILLION phobias ain't that bad.

Atychiphobia- Fear of failure.
Bathmophobia- Fear of stairs or steep slopes.
Claustrophobia- Fear of confined spaces.
Cleithrophobia or Cleisiophobia- Fear of being locked in an enclosed place.
Decidophobia- Fear of making decisions.
Eremophobia- Fear of being oneself or of loneliness.
Glossophobia- Fear of speaking in public or of trying to speak.
Isolophobia- Fear of solitude, being alone.
Ophthalmophobia- Fear of being stared at.
Philophobia- Fear of falling in love or being in love.
Stenophobia- Fear of narrow things or places.
Topophobia- Fear of certain places or situations, such as stage fright.
Tropophobia- Fear of moving or making changes.

Damn it, I haven't been to the pool for more than a week now. I NEED TO SWIM, i repeat, NEED!

Cooked dinner all alone today and yes, I am proud of myself. Burnt my wrist and had no clue as to how to cut the french beans, but it tasted nice. Photography session today, and damn it was freaking hot. Hot as in the weather. Next photoshoot is on friday. Last class photo and last band photo. ZOMG. Everything this year is related to the word, LAST.

The Wonders of Applications

2010-04-11T22:00:00.008+08:00

How do you apply for a scholarship?
I mean, we're indirectly asking for someone to give us money without any strings attached.

Whenever applying for a scholarship, you'll have to fill up a form with your details and at the very bottom, there would be a section where you'll have to state why you deserve it. That has always been a problem for me. Do you get all petty and ask for sympathy or do you go all egoistic?

Apart from that, even if you've got an idea as to what you want to say, you'll still get held back as after 'the' question, there would be 3 killer words in brackets which are "approximately - words ." It just makes things twice as hard. You are supposed to pour your soul out to convince them, but you’ve got to do it between the limitations.

It took me 3 months to get started on my application essays and now that I'm done with it, I've got to reduce the amount of words. To add to the crap, the application needs to reach the company before 30th April 2010 which is the third Friday from now. FML.

It's raining and I'm home alone

2010-04-11T17:48:00.003+08:00

It's been a month since I went out. THANK YOU diagnostics for my misery.
I've got homework which dues in a few days. and I need to mop the floor before mum gets home.

a shopping spree is very much needed

can I please just have a week of freedom from homework, chores or exams?

let's get all paranoia

2010-04-09T21:00:00.004+08:00

DIAGNOSTICS are oh-to-the-ver.

As quoted by Mr Hoo, three weeks of slaughter. Now you know why we love him.

I must say that school was awesome today. Despite the continuously yawning which totally annoyed Geetha, I guess I sort of gained a tinny winy bit of knowledge. Tinny winy bit is better than nothing.

NOTE TO SELF ; must start studying. SPM is in 24 weeks. twofour.

Anyways, now that exams are over, I shall catch up on LIFE. Movies and novels, here I come. And swimming too. Damn I need to get out of the house.

Oh, and my plans to stop everything and turn nerdy by May is so not going to work out. I've already got things planned out till the end of June. and if permission is granted, it might extend until end of July. Ohdearlord, SPM is around the corner. =\

Endless Blues

2010-04-02T22:15:00.005+08:00

It's Good Friday.
and the 2nd year anniversary.

Amazing how time flies by so swiftly. Every second truly matters. And as much as I try to avoid having regrets, I'm currently trying to get over one.
At the start of the year, I made a promise to myself to make decisions I won’t regret. It’s not a resolution, it’s just a promise. I had every intention to keep it, and I did, until quite about now.

Two weeks of diagnostic down, another week to go. 4 days, 3 nights, 4 subjects, 8 papers. Despite having a three days weekend, it’s more to one for me. Was out to Klang today, and will be at Seremban on Saturday. I shall not complain as it’s a tradition. Plus, I feel good when I go because then I’ll be doing something good. I’m tired of constantly messing up.

I’m waiting eagerly for everything to pass. I can waste a whole day on my bed, in my large tee and boxers and just think, and I’ll still feel good. The whole idea of catching up with time will lead to misery. And exhaustion. So, it’s brought down to whether you want your time to be worth it and have the risk of getting hurt or whether you rather waste time to stay preserved. I chose the first in the beginning, but I’m slowly going for the second. The misery, it just doesn’t seem worth it.

Call me old-fashioned, but at least I’ll be happy.

Alex, be proud because I've very much inherited your whole 'my life sucks' feeling.

I'd stop eating until they took me to a hospital

2010-03-30T23:38:00.003+08:00

What would you do if everything was just so fucked up that you didn't know what to do?

Biology was a major bitch. It'd be a miracle if I were to even pass. I'm really contemplating as to whether I should commit to it. I don't see myself becoming a doctor or anything that involves reading. I've got a week, or less to make a decision. GREAT.

Everything seems to be a pain to me. I tend to get annoyed easily. I could not give a shit of what there is to be said. I mean, it's like a bloody tape on replay. Well, probably it's me. Maybe I'm just being self-centered. Maybe I'm starting to prioritise. or maybe all the missed PMS is catching up on me. I really have no idea.

I should so go outside and smell something nice.
And I so need my 'anti-depression pill' or I might end up in a wacko house.

I must fight

2010-03-29T00:45:00.003+08:00

Just got back from Seremban. One wedding down, another three more to go. or is it four?
The whole ride there and back, we were talking about weddings and stuffs. This is so getting in my way of becoming a nun.
Anyways, I'll be sitting for my moral paper tomorrow. Did you know that the subject 'moral' actually turns one immoral? It's like real bullsh*t I tell you. I mean, you level of moral is judged based on your memory skills and not your real attitude. Someone who in actual fact is a pain in the ass gets an 'A' while another who is well-mannered can get a freaking 'C' or whatsoever. It's ridiculous. Pfft. This is going nowhere so I'll just move on.
I've been pretty distracted these few days. I've gotta un-distract myself. Oh please please work. I so need to have a 'express everything' session.

Well Said

2010-03-28T02:53:00.003+08:00

I think I'm afraid to be happy

because whenever I get too happy,

something bad always happens.

-Charlie Brown

now go study before you fail bitch.

2010-03-26T15:12:00.003+08:00

One week done, two more weeks to go.

This week was easy except for history. That was the only killer subject.

Going to school was a waste of time, but it's not like I'll do anything useful at home anyway.

Moving on, I'm loving it that the weekend is finally here. I tend to look forward for the weekend nowadays.

Oh and for the record, I'm started swimming again. Screw the sun, I'm going to get an equally tanned body. No more tan on the outside, fair on the inside.

Swimming is the new yoga. :)

I'm off to have my afternoon nap.

Big Interact Family 2010

2010-03-20T22:47:00.007+08:00

I was kinda nervous at first but damn, it was fun. The kids were HYPER i tell you. I don't have the bloody stamina to play with them. They run like major fast that I gave up. Ask the rest, they'll back me up.

So there was 30 of us from 7 different schools who got together to conquer 60 kids from Kg. Sg. Lui. We were divided into 6 groups according to colour. I was in Green. We were leading all the way until the talentime results were announced. Whatever it is, we still rock. A kid actually liked me half way through the day, but by the end, she sort of scolded me. I was like wtf? hahaha She was pissed that I didn't play with her while I tooked part in the telematch. Many got thrown into the pond. I'm thankful to not be one of them, though I was already wet before anything started. Stupidasswymannliew.

We, the guest won both telematch against the host. First game was 'Bowling, Village Style.' We sort of sucked but we still managed to defeat them. Then we played 'Bola Berapi' also known as dodgeball. I stayed out when we were the one throwing the ball but when it was the other way around, I joined. Little did I know, I was the last one standing. Damn proud weyh. And I even managed to get teammate in again but he got hit not too long after he stepped in. Those two dudes were rough weyh. They were out to kill me, LITERALLY. I even shouted WHAT THE FUCK out loud, in front of the kids. So much for controlling myself. But still, we won. :)

Ride back was crazy. You wouldn't want to know the details. Here's some photos taken from Brandon.

he got egg-ed

the 'throw people into the pond' session

talentime

Green and Yellow team

World War 3

I've got TWO balls =_='

Imma turn gay

2010-03-18T01:08:00.004+08:00

Happy St. Patricks Day peeps :)

I've took the liberty to wear something green. I couldn't find my green lingerie so I put on a Xavier tee instead. murtad much? I know, but like murtad is already my middle name.

Moving on, went swimming today. After so long. Mum actually thought the only reason I wanted to go swimming was because I was meeting someone there. Like wtf much.

As for revision, there's no progress. I'm really thinking of skipping or probably cheating. We'll see.

L.I.F.E

2010-03-15T11:18:00.002+08:00

1. Whoever comes are the right people.
2. Whatever happens is the only thing that could have.
3. Whenever it starts is the right time.
4. When it’s over, it’s over.

I like this

2010-03-13T20:32:00.004+08:00

cause we rock like that :)

9 Deadly Words Used by A Women

1) Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2) Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3) Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4) Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

5) Loud Sigh
This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot
and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6) That’s Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before
deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7) Thanks
A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ . that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

8 ) Whatever
Is a woman’s way of saying F– YOU!

9) Don’t worry about it, I got it
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This
will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to #3.

True Colours

2010-03-09T00:50:00.003+08:00

Oh damn, I'm all historical now. Yes, I said it right. I really meant to say HISTORICAL and not hysterical. I have a thing for looking at old photos, ancient comments and testimonials. You ought to try it sometime.

Anyways, two weeks ago, I took part in a Treasure Hunt organised by VI's Interact Club. Heck it was frigging exhausting. Before anything even started, I was already all wet. And talk about being straight forward and not able to think outside the box. I freaking calculated for the first clue! (only those who took part would get this) I never really expected it to be that hard, but I was CLEARLY wrong. No wonder they were all saying we'd lose. But in your face dudes, we still were the first all girls team to reach. Special thanks to our lovely shadow, Izudin :) and a big round of applause to VI's Interact Club for organizing a successful treasure hunt. It was one of my best sleep ever.

Moving on, last Saturday, CBN had our 70th Annual Sports Day which was my very LAST sports day. It was actually fun. Despite of the major tan I got in preparation for it and my very much dead leg, it was worth it. Even though I didn't take part in the 1500m as planned, I did manage to achieve my dreams of getting a medal every year, and this year's one was a GOLDIE. Oh and can you believe it, Band won Best Marching for the Uniform Body category. I was speechless and shocked when they announced. I was also the only freak who shouted like crazy. Everyone at Pauline was starring at me. It was a bummer that we didn't win for the sukantara though, but at least we had a hell lot of fun.

the last photo is from standard sport.

I never thought I'd miss him :)

Raise Your Hope

2010-02-18T23:36:00.003+08:00

Okay, I know it's the new year season and I should be grateful and shits but like, eff it!

It's fucking ridiculous for you to go all emo and shits with me. What the fuck do you freaking want from me. You can expect me to read your bloody mind. When I try to understand your problems, you just shut me off. and when I don't give a shit, you insist I listen. Don't you have anything better to do than to get all emo over some stupid shit. You'd really ought to get your life straighten out. Yeah, mine ain't any better but at least I'm smart enough to not let those pathetic shit affect me.

********

The small talk we had got me thinking about college. As soon as I reached home, I did some chores to please my mum. When I was done with it, I came online and starting doing research on colleges and courses provided. It's only February and I'm already so excited. Now I want to start college life ASAP. but on the other hand, I want AFS too. Damn, I tell you. How can you choose between your career and a once in a life time experience when they're both so tempting?

Oh wells, before I even think about college or AFS, I better start on my very much PRESENT school work. As much as I hate to admit it, classes is going to start in about 3 days time. and the 3 days would only feel like 1.

Happiness;

2010-02-13T03:46:00.005+08:00

-is a state of mind. And like all things, it takes practice. Devote five minutes a day to smiling, just smiling and after a while, it'll come naturally.

It's ten minutes to four and yes, I'm not asleep.
School's out for a week. I'm hoping to catch up my studies and also, on myself.
Life's been hectic. The word 'hectic' has became my best friend for the pass one year and so. It's funny how I can be so free and yet busy, simultaneously. Being or feeling two total contra words simultaneously is so me. Confusing ain't I? I know. Even at times, I lose myself. I wonder how my friends bare my nuisances.
Chinese New Year is in less than fourty eight hours. I'll be leaving for Seremban in about eight hours or so. I'm not all hyped out about going back as I'm so used to the city live that the day feels real slow and dull. I guess, it's the perfect time for my to catch up on my reading. I suck so badly at time management that I tend to abandon my novels whenever school reopens.
And when school does reopen after this one week break of mine, we'll be busy preparing for our school's Annual Sports Day. My very LAST sports day. Everything is becoming my very last. The word 'last' motivates me to do better. And I'm so caught up with this whole 'last' thing that I've started doing things so that I won't have regrets. It's been a while since I've started. So far, there wasn't many major life changing decisions but hey, there's progress. Even though it might be a little one. I guess it'll take time; I mean, I do need to gather my guts and shits.
Oh by the way, for my very LAST standard sports, I'm proud to say I got a 2.2.1.2 for Pauline. High jump got in my way. Well, I'm off to bed or at least I'll try to.
Just wanna wish everyone a HAPPY HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR. You need not be chinese to enjoy it. Who knows, maybe something life changing will happen.

& Happy Valentines to all the lovebirds out there.

onethreeseven

2010-02-04T17:50:00.002+08:00

My heartbeat started beating faster and faster.
And before I knew it, the first contestant in my group went to the front and started her piece. She was actually the second but the supposed-ly first contestant didn't show up. [less one person to worry about] There was 5 of us in the group. I was given the opportunity to be the last one to do my piece. I was sort of glad because i had a perception that there wouldn't be many around as contestants usually left the room after doing their piece. Unfortunately, it didn't turn out that way for me. The downside of being last was that my friends said that they'll come and watch me once their done with their own. This was really BAD.
I was freaking out while the other contestants was doing their piece. After the fourth contestant finished her piece, I got up and waited for the judges. When I was given the que, I took a deep breath and started. It was going fairly well and then, there it was, the hardest part of the entire thing for me. It was the part where I had to add a slight French accent. I suck badly with accents. I had been practicing since morning to get the accents right and clearly, I didn't.
Continued reading and then, I messed up. I could feel my lips, mouth and throat drying, and my tongue started twisting. Anyways, it was a relief when it was over. I didn't exceeded the time limit, I don't think I moved that much apart from the shoulders and head and the proudest part is, I didn't cry.
Tomorrow is the second round, and since I didn't get the comments and results for today's round, it means I've to practice thrice as hard. Off to practice, tadaa =\

Uno, Tres

2010-01-22T23:12:00.003+08:00

It's just the end of the third week of classes and I'm already half dead. Literally.
Let's do a brief flashback.
FIRST WEEK - Was a mixture of, SCRATCH THAT, it was exhausting.
SECOND WEEK - Hectic and very much stress~~free~~ful.
THIRD WEEK - Oh just kill me, would you?
Despite the fact that my test ain't completely over yet, I'm thankful that I managed to survive this week. I mean, I barely survived it. I'm really in deep need of sleep. Three consecutive days of about three hours sleep each night, oh that's a killer.
Off to sleep. Adios.

Fn + PrtSc

2010-01-14T23:06:00.001+08:00

gosh, I miss him..

High School?

2010-01-03T23:18:00.002+08:00

Goodbye holidays, Hello hell.

I'm hoping she won't be our class teacher again. She's good, no doubt about it but she's just WAY TOO good.

Apart from that, I don't want to seat at the very back of the class, ALONE for a whole year.

Especially since it is after all, my SENIOR year :D

Gosh, I like the sound of that, Senior year.

Anyways, I'm off to enjoy my last night of freedom.

Let's all screw the homework and enjoy our senior year :)

Memoir?

2009-12-29T00:48:00.006+08:00

saving the best for the last [:

I'm all recharge now

2009-12-21T23:37:00.003+08:00

KLWMBC was fantabulous!

The past one week is damnfuckingshitright the best week of my holiday. Despite being sleep and food deprive, I sure did have a blast. The first day was sure hectic. I mean, damn it, I did thing I never thought I'll do. Don't get me wrong, I didn't do anything obscene. There was several problems, lunatic attitude to bare with and whatnots but looking back at those moments, I go all "awwww, I miss it." I am seriously thankful to be apart of the event. I won't blog much about the event because it'll take ages. I'll just do a brief one.

I miss the Thailand and Indonesian band even though I wasn't even their LO. I really want Bank! I can't wait to meet rest of the volunteers again. I'm counting the days till the dinner. I want Bank! I miss the hot guys from Indonesia. I love the fact that they treated me like an adult even though I'm barely there. I want Bank! I love and miss the moment alone with him. I'm glad that I was able to go through the whole event. I want Bank! I'm so glad to gain the experience and not to mention, friends. Last but not least, I want Bank :)

That's pretty much it. I'm distracted now. So till then, bye. It's crappy that I might have to miss it next year due to SPM.

I was so busy;

2009-12-11T23:51:00.002+08:00

..laughing my ass off last night that I forgotten to sleep.

Slept around 4 last night and woke up at 9 this morning. I was awaken by her text informing us that we need to attend a meeting at 3. I was thinking that it'll only take half an hour or so but I was so wrong. I thought I was late so I ran in only to find out that I who am late isn't really late. Get what I mean? Anyways, we were informed that there was changes and that we would have to wait to go knows what time. In those hours of waiting, I managed to read a few more pages of Mitch Albom's 'Have A Little Faith', get to know more about the rest (or at least a few of them), played ONE game of 'UNO' for more than an hour-only to lose, talked some more and talk some more. We finally got our "thing" and oh gosh, I so can't wait. Please please extend your stay C:
KL may be overrated but it sure is F-U-N!

It's 1.28am

2009-12-11T01:28:00.003+08:00

and we're talking about us not wearing our bras and what nots.
C:

Picture Says It All

2009-12-07T01:16:00.003+08:00

I'm sunburned..

2009-12-06T23:47:00.002+08:00

..and it feels good.

Crazy? No worries, I'm very much sane. When I was performing in the toilet, I managed to get a glimpse of my FACE in the mirror and I was and am still tomato-ish red. At first, I was like crap shit. Then, I started smiling freakish-ly wide. I guess it reminded me of band practices in preparation for band comp 08. Despite being eagerly excited for 09 practices, they decided to take part in the Orchestra Competition instead, which is with 100% confident, not my thang. So yeah, it was sort of disappointing but oh wells, I've got KLWMBC.

As most band geeks would know, this year is the third year it's being held. They started in year 2007 which was like that best year of my band life. Anyways, due to PMR, I missed KLWMBC 08 but I'm am thankful that I'm given the opportunity to be apart of KLWMBC 09. Unlike the previous years, the event will be held at Stadium Bola Sepak Cheras this year. In addition to that, admission is F.O.C (free of charge). There'll be more than 20 teams participating so competition would be tight. I won't say much cause I'm pretty much exhausted so check out KLWMBC's blog, website and facebook page for more informations.

http://klwmbc-pmp.blogspot.com/

Here are the line up of what will be happening next week;
15 Dec - Street Parade @ Jalan Bukit Bintang
17 Dec - Drum-line Battle @ Berjaya Times Square
19 Dec - Grand Finale @ Stadium Bola Sepak KL,

Before I go, also check out the SUPERFREAKINGMAJORSEXY limited exclusive tee on the blog. See you guys there.

PS; Gay Partners, Friends and every single person reading this, you better get your butts there if you guys are free. C:

Goodbye November,

2009-12-01T00:21:00.008+08:00

.. Hello December;
which means Christmas is around the corner :)(:

My brain has been on hibernation so long that I think it has loosed all of it's ability to think again. I was helping mum pack her things when I saw fifth formers coming out from the examination hall. I could see relieve on their faces. And then, I pictured myself in their shoes, which I will be in a year from now. It's scary how time flies by us so quickly that at times we never realize that special second or minute or probably even hour. And then, when we flash back, we would yearn to relive that moment again. Sometimes we would know of it's impossibilities that we wouldn't mind at least a small percentage of the moment. Some might start making deals or negotiate with 'The One And Only' just for that second or minute or hour.
I've clearly lost my mind. I have not a single idea of what I was trying to say UP there but oh well, shall it be a mystery. Off to my holy sanctuary.

This song;

2009-11-20T18:34:00.003+08:00

makes me have faith. I'm so in love with this song.

I'm Not Surprised
Not Everything Lasts
I've Broken My Heart So Many Times,
I Stop Keeping Track.
Talk Myself In
I Talk Myself Out
I Get All Worked Up
And Then I Let Myself Down.

I Tried So Very Hard Not To Loose It
I Came Up With A Million Excuses
I Thought I Thought Of Every Possibility

And I Know Someday That It'll All Turn Out
You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid That I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

Mmmmm ....

I Might Have To Wait
I'll Never Give Up
I Guess It's Half Timing
And The Other Half's Luck
Wherever You Are
Whenever It's Right
You Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Baby Your Love Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Possibility

Mmmmm ......

And Somehow I Know That It Will All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

They Say All's Fair
And In Love And War
But I Won't Need To Fight It
We'll Get It Right
And We'll Be United

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Being In Your Life Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Single Possibility

Mmmm .....

And Someday I Know It'll All Turn Out
And I'll Work To Work It Out
Promise You Kid I'll Give More Than I Get
Than I Get Than I Get Than I Get

Oh You Know It'll All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get
Yeah I Just Haven't Met You Yet

I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Oh Promise You Kid
To Give So Much More Than I Get

I Said Love Love Love Love Love Love Love .....
I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Love Love Love .....
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

I want magenta too

2009-11-15T00:58:00.001+08:00

Now That I've Lost Everything To You

2009-11-03T23:23:00.002+08:00

You can say that the past few days have been rough. It wasn't at all terrible. It was the kind of rough where you had to struggle a little to learn a life experiencing thing.
I’ve always said that a person changes because he/she chose to. I mean, how can we change if we don’t want to change? A friend doesn’t just evolve into a stranger all of a sudden. And a stranger doesn’t just evolve into a friend in a split second. I find it ridiculous. From experience, I can say that I’ve loose friends as we were just slipping apart due to the changes but I don’t think that I’ve ever gained a friend from changes. Do we all just change for the worse? Or am I just too stubborn to accept the fact that there’s a possibility that people change for the better.

While I was lying on my bed last night, thinking, it hit me that I was actually growing up. As in I’m not as childish as I used to be. I used to convey my feelings at that very moment without even thinking of the consequences. That was like one of my biggest flaw. It shocking as I never did thought I’d lose my childish attitude. I have always been what you can call, spoilt. I wasn’t a brat but I wasn’t a goody-two-shoe either. I never did believe that people do change. Even till today, I don’t really believe in it but looking at myself, I have to admit that we humans do change, for the better or worse, at least a little.

You're His Favourite Girl

2009-10-25T22:58:00.003+08:00

I'm still excited over my Physics mark.

Before I start, a shout out to Nisa. Happy belated birthday. Sorry I wasn’t around on Friday. As you know, I was busy. I did look for you after school though, but you had already left. Next shout out is to the soon to be birthday girl in 58 minutes time. Happy Sweet Sixteen Hanna. Hope you’ll have a hell of a time. Tomorrow DeepaRaya celebration is going on so I’m pretty sure things will be great.

Moving on, Everybody’s Day celebration was horrible for me. Millions of mess up but heck it’s over. I doubt the audience had a clue of what I was saying. I wanted it to be all spontaneous but obviously the teachers didn’t like my idea. In fact, I don’t think they even liked any of our ideas. Anyway, it’s clearly my first and last attempt of being the emcee. Despite sucking like majorly, at least it was sort of a good experience I guess.
After school, had lunch with mates at great old McDonalds. Everything was superb until they turned up but I left not too long after they did so like whateffs. Anyhow, we should have luncheons together way more often. Random and simple, yet fulfilling.

Oh, I’ve got big news. She’s finally getting married. Like OMG! Even though I didn’t get to hear it first hand, but I’m still amongst the many few to know first. Take that, bitches!

Wish Upon A Star

2009-10-16T17:34:00.005+08:00

Special thanks for the wishes. Very much appreciated.

Firstly, finals are effing over. Except for Accounts which is postponed till Wednesday but hey, who's complaining? Plus, I don't really give a ratshit about it because it's not like I'll get the look and tone from the subject teacher as I don’t have one. Chemistry was yesterday. It was the last and most crucial subject. But since it was my sweet sixteenth, I couldn’t give a shit. My plan for ‘my day’ was to sit for both papers, get back home and sleep. Things didn’t go as planned though. But once again, I’m not complaining.

Secondly, turning sixteen wasn’t so bad after all. I was sort of paranoid that I was turning a year older. I mean, when I was young, I never knew why women took 5 years off their actual age when informing people but as I was starring at the clock, watching it tick second by second, I started realizing that I was really getting older as every second goes by. Even now, I’m getting older by a second or two. The worst part of it all is that my time of on Earth is decreasing. Yes, it is all brought back to DEATH.

Thirdly, apart from Chemistry being tremendously horrible and sort of ruining my day, all the wishes managed to brighten things up. Not to mention the presents. For that, another gratitude wish from me to everyone.

Fourthly, I finally understand why they called it Sweet Sixteen.

Last but not least,

and coincidence much?

Things One Should Do On The Third Day of Raya

2009-09-24T13:11:00.007+08:00

Wake up in the state of shock yet blurry.
Help your mum with her just cut finger.
Go to the kitchen to finish up what she was doing. Soon you'll be sitting on the floor because you're feeling a little dizzy.
Go to the washroom to answer nature's call.
Walk towards the living room to inform your parents about the dizziness feeling you're having but..

before you can reach them, you realize you're already on the floor and

the next minute you're on the sofa sitting with a major sickening feeling. You are then sent to the clinic to have a check-up and also to ensure that your mum's cut is nothing serious.

At the clinic, you find out that you've got low blood pressure. And it's cool because it was the first time you've fainted, EVER. Plus you've got low blood pressure. How cool is that?

I know I seem very much insane but hey, why deprive a girl of her happiness. Before I go, Happy Birthday Baby Boy.

it's weird how we only have like 5 photos together even though we've known each other for a year or so?

I am a sucker for happily ever afters

2009-09-21T23:20:00.008+08:00

and I think it's because I've watched WAY too many romantic shows.

there are days that i miss him, but i know that he's there.
there are days when i can feel him,his breath, keeping me
warm.
there are days when i can feel his strength, telling me that i can be
so much more,
then there are days when i dont think about him, and those are the
easiest, calmest day of all

When I'm done watching the rest, I shall move on to movies I've missed

2009-09-21T03:05:00.002+08:00

While majority are out visiting, I stayed home and feast on tv series. And I must say, life never felt this good.

~~Ghost Season 1~~, ~~Ghost Season 2~~, ~~Road Trip USA~~, Cupid, Gossip Girl, Prison Break

Just When I Thought

2009-09-16T00:21:00.003+08:00

I was the only one who was thinking about you that night.
Tonight, we went to one of your usual ‘Bak Kut Teh’ restaurant for
dinner. As I set there eating, I couldn’t help but think back about the time
you
first brought us there. You walked in and the waitress went to take your
order,
and you replied by asking her ‘what she thinks your usual order is’
(in
Chinese), which gave her a shock, where she then went and asked the
manager.
Such cheekiness. It never left you, even till the day you went to
join Him.

You are perhaps the only grandfather that I’ve ever known;
because
the other had left when I was far too young to remember anything,
and yet I have
time and time again failed to show any patience for your
needs when you were
around. I do confess that at times, I get all so annoyed
when I have to run
errands for you, especially when I am busy with my life.
Perhaps it’s because we
were never really close, not until you came to live
in KL, which ironically was
during my high school days, when being an
arrogant teen and living life to the
extreme was part and parcel of my life.
Yet, you never seemed to mind or get
upset with me. I guess what I admire
most of you is that you never ever seek
anyone’s help even if you are
desperately in need of it. Even when you were in
pain you kept it a secret
from all of us, because you didn’t want to trouble us.

It’s been more
than a year now since you left us. When you did, I
promised to always do
well in my exams and to make you proud. Again I have
disappointed you, and
even in the most recent one. I hope third time’s the charm
because I’ve been
a disappointment for far too long.

Tonight, I thought of you, enjoying
one of you favourite delicacy.
We do miss you dearly. I hope you’ve been
thinking of us too.

I don't remember promising you anything. In fact, I don't even remember saying anything meaningful during your very last hours. I just stood by your bedside and hold your wrinkled hand. Even after you were gone, I didn't really say or feel anything. I tried hard not to feel anything. I chose to repel every single feeling. I kept thinking to myself that you just went for a vacation and that you'll be back soon. It didn't really hit me badly until I last 'talked' to you which was around December. In one way, it gave me hope as I knew that I could still talk to you somehow or another. But on the other hand, it was devastating to finally accept that you were really gone. It is clear that I was being denial. Even now, at times I still am.

we'll grow old together as you're

2009-09-10T23:58:00.011+08:00

my pillow, my best friend.

I found a treasure when I found you

Well, it's been September for 10 days and it already sucks. Okay, it actually only took eight days to suck. I'll graduate my rempit course on Monday. Kinda psych about it. The only part I'm starting to get worried about is getting injured. I mean, I can't even ride a bike, what more a motorbike. Wish my luck.

One Malaysia?

2009-08-31T00:00:00.005+08:00

FOUR WORDS,

give me a break.

I rest my case.

If You Have The Time

2009-08-30T14:15:00.004+08:00

I choked

2009-08-24T22:22:00.006+08:00

on a fish bone. It was my ~~fourth~~fifth time.

To make the holidays worth while, I decided to bake or at least make something everyday. On Sunday, I made jam, cheese sticks and cooked minestrone for dinner. I baked some cookies and I'm planning on baking a cake tomorrow. Lets just see how things go tomorrow.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YersIyzsOpc&feature=fvst

Accounts was tedious. I think I'm loosing interest in it. Oh and I got my homework list. It wasn't as long as I assumed it would be, but I'm not complaining. Anyways, I'm off to do some work. Check the video out. It's not really anything realistic but it sure is funny and the first dude in the video, is oh so cute. :)

Lucky Charm

2009-08-17T15:58:00.004+08:00

Saturday was awesome. The performance was quite a bummer. Everything was pretty much messed up but who cares, I think the parents enjoyed themselves. After the performance, I met up with mummy to get my clothes and she told me that she doesn't want me to attend school until after the holidays because of H1N1 which was like so cool for me. Rushed to Eera's place, showered and got ready.

We reached sunway around 5. We were waiting for Eera's sis outside the entrance when we saw a cameraman and two ladies pointing at us and walking towards us. We were like "OMG OMG they're coming to us." The wanted to interview us. It was kind off scary and we were nervous but watch out people, we'll be on MTV. Estranged was the first band to performance. We didn't know any of the songs but we were jumping like crazy. The interval breaks sucks like mad because we were all sweaty and it was really SQUASHY. But apart from that, I had a blast. Pixie Lott is oh so hot and talk about Boy Like Girls, ooo laa laa much. Everyone was singing along with Hoobastank when they sang The Reason and when All American Rejects performed.

Saw countable amount of hot guys. I didn't eat anything the whole day except for a bite of twiggies which was around 10 in the morning. Photos will be uploaded as soon as I get them. We so have to do this again. Maybe this October you guys? Tickets are on whoever is willing to pay *points at Nisa*

I might be

2009-08-14T23:26:00.006+08:00

H1N1 positive.

After countable practices, our band concert is finally here. I'm not prepared. I'm not sure about the rest. Hopefully our parents will be fascinated by our performances. I hate the fact that I'll have to speak tomorrow. I wish for my flute to not give me hell. I beg for my pants to not give way because it'll just be a major embarrassment. I just want things to go well tomorrow. I'm somehow starting to be influenced by her desire for perfection. WS here we come.

We Ain't Idiots,

2009-08-13T17:34:00.002+08:00

We were just being respectful.

Annual luncheon was held today. Special thanks to Renu for sponsoring the food despite having to bare the undeniably ridiculous comment yesterday. There is seven confirm swine flu cases in my school yet classes are still going on as usual. Another 6 more days of school and we're off for a one week break. My pile of homework has just doubled and will soon be tripled. I'm missing Ms Sofia's and saOdah's presence. Enough said, toodles.

Booster Up

2009-08-11T18:17:00.004+08:00

I skipped classes today. I was just very much sleep deprived. But I'm all recharged now. I've been doing my homework since I woke up and there's still a pile of undone homework by my side. Just got back from the vet, and so far Beau is okay but we'll know more on Thursday after the blood test results are out. My affection towards poems or you can say, literature is growing despite the fact that the meaning sometimes leave me hanging. I'm still waiting for the perfect timing to ask daddy about world stage and time is running out. Knowing that probably most of my babes are going makes me want to go even more. It'll be our first concert together and the thought of it makes me psych.

Lure Me

2009-08-08T01:24:00.003+08:00

I'll do a quick post before I sleep. We went for Kaki Blue and obviously we had a blast. Unfortunately, Mark was ill so he wasn't there but there's always next time. I'm thinking of dropping Chemistry because I have no chemistry with my teacher and the subject itself. I'm desperate for a Lit in English tutor. I'm also desperate for some alone time. I can't wait for the Band Concert and whatsoever events to be over. All I want to do is go for tonnes of plays, relax and just enjoy life. Tonight, I shall sleep with peace.